Jennifer Whitson on Breast Cancer and Betrayal Therapy

Jennifer Whitson, from Nine Miles Falls, Washington, will share about her journey through breast cancer and betrayal trauma, both of which have had huge impacts on her life. Betrayal Trauma includes lies, porn use, infidelity, sexual coercion, emotional abuse and narcissism.

She is the administrator for a nonprofit called Community Minded Enterprises, which provides foundational community support.

And… she loves Labradors!

Titles of resources:

The Body Keeps the Score

Your Sexually Addicted Spouse 

Pro dependence

Captivating

Becoming Myself

Seven Desires of Every Heart

Atlas of the Heart

Trust again 

Name of Betrayal Trauma curriculum:

"Triage: Emergency Help for the Sexually Betrayed."

 available on Amazon.

Mended Mentors is the therapy group

 Link to Drip, Drip, Drip Blog Bost:

Drip, Drip, Drip — SCARS Survivor Collective Alliance Reaching Society (scarsoforegon.org)

Subscribe to the Women of the Northwest podcast for inspiring stories and adventures.
Find me on my website: jan-johnson.com

Transcript

Welcome to episode 33 of Women of the Northwest. I’m your host, Jan Johnson. 

Today, Jennifer Whitson, from Nine Miles Falls, Washington, will share about her journey through breast cancer and betrayal trauma, both of which have had huge impacts on her life. Betrayal Trauma includes lies, porn use, infidelity, sexual coercion, emotional abuse and narcissism.

She is the administrator for a nonprofit called Community Minded Enterprises, which provides foundational community support.

And… she loves Labradors!

SPEAKERS

Jan Johnson, Jennifer

Jan Johnson

So you live in Nine Mile Falls in Washington. Have you always lived there? Is that someplace that you're new to?

Jennifer

0:51

No, so it's about 15 minutes north of Spokane so it's very close to Spokane So, but I've lived in my house just about a year. So.

Jan Johnson

1:04

Okay, Where were you before then.

Jennifer

1:07

So I grew up in Spokane. We live

Jennifer

1:17

we moved to Spokane and didn't want to move where they were moving. So my dad was taking a job here in Spokane and I didn't want to be left behind so I had to go with them. I liked Portland. My grandma lived there.

Jan Johnson

1:36

You grew up in Portland.

Jan Johnson

1:44

well, Washington is beautiful. It seems like they've got just a lot. I don't know the trees are different. And I think and maybe the mountains are a little different too. It's a beautiful area. Yeah,

Jennifer

1:58

you're really I feel

Jan Johnson

2:01

and Spokane so that's  more on the eastern side. Yeah, little desert going on there.

Jennifer

2:08

Yet it's very dry. It's been very rainy this season, which is very uncommon. For sure. We don't usually have this much rain at all. So we are excited for the sun to come out eventually.

Jan Johnson

2:27

My husband plants corn - big field of corn and then has it for a corn feed but it's usually planted by the June and it is still wet, wet wet that's gonna change here soon.

Jennifer

2:49

I lived Yes, I lived for years in Nashville, Tennessee. And so I'm just grateful that there's no humidity, because the humidity usually starts Memorial Day and goes till September so I'm like it's nice to be back

Jennifer  00:49

Thank you, Jen, for having me. As a guest

Jennifer  01:10

Yes. We I don't be but it is definitely the dog that I know that I will have one day for sure. So yes, I want to have a yellow in a chocolate lab. So we'll see.

Jan Johnson  01:28

Hey, we have a sheep farm. And so we have a ton of Maremmas and Great Pyrenees who guard the sheep. And so right now 12 Puppies getting ready to go. And so we have a count of 1718 20 dogs right now.

Jennifer  01:48

Wow. I'm sorry, I can't have one right now. But I'll know I'll know that. I'll contact you.

Jan Johnson  01:58

Exactly, yes. Right. You gotta have gotta have room to roam. All right. So yes, you've had kind of a rough year this year. And some little bit of cancer going on and stuff. What was your journey? Like?

Jennifer  02:23

Yes. Um, so I say that it is the surprise. I often say I wanted velvet cake and I got chocolate. So yes, just funnily surprise for me. Last September is when my biopsy came back. I had three areas that they had biopsied in my breast. I well, I should say, three that they were going to, but two of them, one came back, ductal carcinoma, and the other area came back invasive ductal carcinoma, so they did not bother with the third. And so they decided they had the information that they needed. What I will tell you, Jan is I had no symptoms. I had the best blood pressure of my life was like 110 over 70 I was working out five to six days a week. gluten free, dairy free, really low sugar, you know, I just I didn't really have it in my house. I just. And so really, the epitome of health, honestly. And so when I had gone for my annual mammogram, they had wanted me to come back. And so that led to the biopsy. And so it took me about five weeks for my brain to kind of inner lock with my just my body and know that this was the reality. So where do we go from here?

Jan Johnson  04:14

Or have them wait, I want to rescan that and just check Oh, can I just do that one more time? And you go on? Yeah. And you're just kind of processing like is it something what are they seeing? What are they doing? Okay, what's this? What's this gonna be like? And you're already processing the possibilities and then

Jennifer  04:45

when they had me come back. Are they Yeah, when they had? Oh, go ahead.

Jan Johnson  04:54

Oh, I just saying what I remember. You know, when she says well, there's a little spot here and I said Um, let me see that I step over anything. Oh, okay. Yeah, there is a little spot.

Jennifer  05:07

Yes, yes, I remember when, you know, I went, I went like at work that day, I was just trying to be use humor, because I knew, you know, and then they moved me to ultrasound and she was not. She was very serious. And I just still was using humor. And then when I got asked to come into the radiologists office, yeah, it was I kind of figured I was gonna be here for a little while they had, you know, things marked for it. I mean, they're just not there's no way to prepare. So,

Jan Johnson  05:54

yeah, say, Yeah, we want you to next week, then it's kind of like, oh, oh, okay. So this is kind of

Jennifer  06:04

yes, yeah, we'll do the biopsy next week. Okay, perfect.

Jan Johnson  06:08

Yeah, I'll be there. Tell me what time and then kind of my doctor and in Portland that I had when she did the surgery she did. She drew a little heart on my breast. Oh, yeah. And, and she wouldn't prayed with me before she sang. She sang to me. Before this. It was kind of like it was really moving.

Jennifer  06:34

I love that. And you know, when I did the biopsy, they were also very serious. And I was just trying, and the Lidocaine had not taken full effect, which you can imagine what that felt like, and they, I was like, I'm not going to cry, and they're like, You can cry because that is painful. When the Lidocaine doesn't. And I remember when the doctor called the next day, I really honestly thought he was calling to check on me. Because it was it was pretty painful. Just, you know, the Lidocaine not having taken effect and, and they had to go into place. So you know, it was it. When he called I really thought that he was just checking, checking on me, I did not expect that. He would be telling me that news. So yeah,

Jan Johnson  07:29

but did you feel like did you have a sense of knowing that, that you had cancer? It'd be even before you got the biopsy results.

Jennifer  07:38

Yes. And I'll tell you why. I was very hopeful, you know, I was very optimistic that this was just going to be one of those things. But the body language of the people around me, were communicating a much different seriousness, and so, you know, even though they would try to be funny, or they would try to be calming, there was still this. When I do things, I typically get a very peaceful feeling. And I could not get a piece filled filling, even the radiologist when she said, what I asked her, I said, I need best case and worst case, and even when she told me, you know, that it could be cancer. They see it a lot in so I think nowadays, they have a better idea. And of course the biopsy always confirms it, but that yes, to your question, for sure. I just could not get PS though. It wasn't what I was wanting. But just

Jan Johnson  08:58

it's just I don't know, you can't really describe that. Pit of the news. Like, okay, we're so what does it actually mean? And then yeah, and finding out so along your journey via I assume you had a mastectomy, did you do a double mastectomy and

Jennifer  09:37

so, the next phase was gathering all the information. So it included an MRI included, you know, what was the cancer telling us? You know, of course, obviously, without doing surgery first. You're not you don't, you know, right away, you don't know. And so, it was just gathering all this information, I had three different meetings with surgical oncology, medical oncology, and then radiation oncology part and so just met with all of them and then became an and to form a plan of, you know, what is it? What is the cancer telling us? And what's the best way it had not left my breasts, which was, which was a, I felt such a blessing. You know, it had not, that we could tell, you know, from the MRI, so I felt really good with the, you know, just the team. And mine was not forming a real mass. And so for them, it was, you know, it was really giving them an indication that it was trying to leave the breast, but we were going to try to let it know that it wasn't welcome to do that. For sure. Yeah. So, yeah, yeah. So

Jan Johnson  11:09

what kind of what would you tell somebody who, just what, what kind of advice would you have for people? Who might be going through this?

Jennifer  11:23

Hmm. I really love this question. Because the thing about, you know, in, in cancer, but, but breast cancer is my experience is that every single case is different. And so, you know, what is good for you is not going to be good for myself. And so, I chose partial mastectomy, which, you know, many friends and family was like, you know, they're like, cut out, cut it off, you know, but, but in my case, my cancer has aggressive aspects to it. So, which means it may come back somewhere else. And so, it gave me the opportunity to take a breath a little bit, and maybe choose a path that's a little more conservative. And so what I what I tell people is, decide what's right for you, your body will guide you decide what's right for you. And you can always change your mind. You can always change your mind on something. You know, typically, you know, if you've got good doctors that work with you, so you know, you're part of the team. And then don't doubt that, because you will doubt I've been in support groups where everybody got a double mastectomy except for me. And then I got off the support group, and I thought, oh. And then, so I had to go back and say, No, Jennifer, you did not like, this is why we did what we did. And then I'm like, Okay, I'm great.

Jan Johnson  13:12

Did you Journal did you journal through your time?

Jennifer  13:17

I did. But what I journaled was, when I started this journey, I was very independent, did not accept help. I regret that now. I want more help along the way. But what I journaled was the kind of the blessings that came out of saying yes, more to people helping me. And that's really what I journaled. I think I figured I would never forget the experience. And so, that tends to, you know, stay pretty fresh in my mind. And, but that's what I journaled is, you know, people blessing me from from from the very beginning. And that's, that's been really helpful, because, you know, I saw how independent I had become, and you definitely can't do this alone. So that's, that's probably something else. You know,

Jan Johnson  14:22 not included

I think at the beginning, I didn't want to tell anybody because I didn't want anybody to look at me differently. And go, like a pity, you know, or something like, oh, no, she, you know, it was like, I was afraid there would be a wall between me, you know, put a wall between me and my friends, you know, which didn't totally happen, you know, but I was worried about that.

Jennifer  14:52

And there's so many unknowns. Like, when it started, chemo was absolutely first So, because it hit the mammogram, the year prior, there was no indication of any cancer. And so it was growing quickly. And so chemo was going to be first. But when we went back and really looked at things, we actually changed it to surgery first. And so I think, yeah, in the beginning, it's it's hard because it's changing all the time. You don't know you don't have answers to things. And so then you tell someone, you know, oh, it's gonna go like this. And then they're like, how come? It's not like that? It's like, welcome to cancer. It changes

Jan Johnson  15:36

right? All the time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I think one of the best things that advice I had, there was another friend who went through it at the same time, she ended up with a double mastectomy. And I mean, hers was really, really bad. But was it was to get a notebook and keep everything all the doctors gave you in have it all in one place. It was just as practical advice. That was the best, best advice ever. And I suppose for anything that you went through, all you know, is just to have a notebook. And then you've got all your numbers and all of your What did they tell you? In all your reports? All in one spot? Yeah,

Jennifer  16:17

yes. Yes. I have one of those. And it's, it's great. Because then you can write questions, you know, sometimes, I will think of questions at random times. And then, so I'll write it in there so that when I go, we can talk about it and just be prepared. And yeah,

Jan Johnson  16:36

yeah. When I was going in a recliner,

Jennifer  16:58

Yes, especially with breast cancer, or recliner. And if you can get a remote, it's even better, because depending on which side it's on, you know, if it's on the left side, you can use the handle, but if it's on the right side, makes it a little bit tricky. So,

Jan Johnson  17:19

yeah. Oh, good advice. I also, before I went into surgery, I took a piece of paper, and I wrote my name in the center of it. And then I started writing all the names, circling it with all the names of anybody who said they had thoughts or prayers for me all the way around until it was completely filled up. And it was just like, wow, I couldn't believe that surrounding of support from people that I had.

Jennifer  17:48 You started a facebook page didn’t you? I’m sure it made it easier to keep up with everybody. 

I can write on there and yeah, I have. I have a table here at my apartment. And it's got tons of cards from all over. That yeah, the support has been incredible, for sure.

Jan Johnson  18:41

You've got it. Like you have all these other people going, Oh, you can do this. I had it. I made it. I you know, you know, so it just, you're like, Oh, you did? I didn't know, you know, you got surrounded by it's almost like a new team that you have.

Jennifer  18:59

Yes, yes.

Jan Johnson  19:01

So you're, you have a job. You're working as an administrator for a nonprofit that's called community minded enterprises. Tell me about that.

Jennifer  19:14

So they are a nonprofit here in this area. And they, their focus primarily is early learning. And so helping start phenomenal childcare centers, early learning in schools,

 There’s so much research that shows if we start early with children, it really helps them grow as learners and they are transitioning their lives and then they also help the addiction side. So when people are coming out of addiction in they are really transitioning their lives. 

So they have a recovery cafe. 

And so yeah, just doing great things in the community, for sure. From what I can tell.

Jan Johnson  20:11

Yeah, my degree was in early childhood education. I started preschool and ran it for seven years. So it was a scholar has been my love early childhood. Do that. Oh, that's wonderful. Yes, to be a part of that, that is neat. You've also been involved with a support group for betrayal trauma. Can you tell me some about that?

Jennifer  20:56

it. Yes. Yes. And so, um, I was married before, unfortunately, I experienced betrayal trauma myself. And so with my former spouse, and I like to describe it as it says, If this person that you, you know, loved and supported, and that was your person in they got in a vehicle in ran you over. But the part about betrayal trauma is maybe they looked in the rearview mirror and ran you over again. And so when you think about it like that, it's it takes time to heal from that. And so I was able to be part of it, you know, just a support group that helped me navigate, there was a curriculum that you went through. So it had the curriculum was a triage curriculum. And so each letter meant different things. And so you just worked on different parts. And, you know, because, you know, it's kind of a shock that you're even having to navigate this part of your life. But it's, you know, it's, it's what has happened. And so that program was called mended mentors. I, one, one friend. We're like sisters, now. It's been over zoom. So we've been have never actually met each other in person. But we've bonded for sure. But yeah, I credit you know where I am today. Because, you know, sometimes things in life are going to happen. And so it's, it's been very good. So hopefully, in the future, I'll be able to, you know, start my own group,

Jan Johnson  23:04

what are some of the things that you talk about in the in that curriculum?

Jennifer  23:10

So, one thing that I really appreciated was when betrayal trauma happens, it's not something that you asked for. So it happens to you. And so how do you navigate that and not become a victim? How can you really rise above in overcome because this person that you deeply loved and cared for? has betrayed you in so and so that's one of the aspects that it with this, this curriculum that we went through, and there were books, many books that we you know, you didn't have to read but I think definitely helped you. You know, gain some knowledge and understanding of you know, this has happened to me, so how do i to the other side of it and heal from that not get stuck on one thing they talked about is it's okay to get in the puddle, but we just don't want to stay there in the puddle. Sometimes we land there, but how do we put our you know, rain boots on and jump out of the puddle and not get stuck in it so

Jan Johnson  24:29

And did you have feelings of guilt like it was your fault?

Jennifer  24:35

Um, I never, I never really experienced too much guilt but what I did experience it is I did I miss this. And so having a support group and professionals walking through and saying, you know, that is not your fault. Like you wouldn't have known you wouldn't Have you want to? And so that was very helpful to know that. Yeah, it wasn't my fault.

Jan Johnson  25:11

Yeah. Because I would think that that would be. Yeah. Or maybe what were the what were some signs that I missed? Or why didn't I see this thing? Yes. You know, yes. Things that you never thought to anticipate, but why didn't you write? Right? Did I say ahead of time? Or, you know, so I was prepared or? Yeah. Yeah. 

Jennifer  26:14

Hmm. Well, besides labs, they bring me joy. What brings me joy, you know, children? Definitely. I have lots of friends who have lots of kids, and it's been fun to watch them. Watch me go through cancer. You know, because I had long hair. And so then they see this person that has short hair now. Or no hair. So watching, they're just taking it in and experiencing it with me. That that brought me joy, for sure. I mean, they just, they were incredible. Because they're honest. I didn't want to scare them. Or Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. My one friend's daughter wanted to touch my new hair. And she said, it feels like my, my carpet in my room. Like, yeah, pretty much. It does, for sure. You know, I, nature definitely brings me joy, you know, camping, hiking, you know, reading, helping, you know, helping others, you know, some of the pain that I've experienced, being able to give back, and, you know, help them make, you know, navigate those decisions that maybe they just aren't sure how to do it. And so, that brings me joy, for sure.

Jan Johnson  27:53

Yeah, yeah, I think that's, I really do think going through things is for us not to just ignore, that we've gone through, but to be there to help other people to go through things, you know, because they're going through and you're, they're searching for, hey, somebody tell me what this is gonna be like, What do I need to expect or whatever. So I think on all levels, any kind of any kind of experiences, you know, just, I think we're on the route, they help other people and help other people navigate it. And give

Jennifer  28:32

I so true, because in 2015, I started volunteering with a cancer organization called cancer, cancer, and I hadn't really had cancer or, you know, really been touched by it. So I just felt this urge to help them and became friends with the people who started it and just gave and gave raised lots of lots of money. And so when my time came, you know, and I made that call to them. And I was like, This is crazy, like a full circle moment. They were like, here's how we can help you Jennifer. And it was just incredible. So by helping it then when the time came that you don't think is ever going to come. They were right there and I could use them and you know, their services that they provide. So

Jan Johnson  29:31

yeah, that's really what about you have a blog today?

Jennifer  29:38

I don't personally, um, but I think, you know, Julie's been encouraging me. As things kind of ramp up. She's like, we need to go to platform Jennifer and I'm like, okay, okay. So you know, I cancer kind of interrupted a lot of things I was, you know, beginning to build but Um, so um, yeah. But I write for I've written for one domestic violence blog. And that was a big step for me. I feel like when you speak, you speak and then you move on. But yeah, when you write, it's there forever. So that was called drip, drip, drip. And it was really good. Right, it was just a quick surely working on another one. So we'll see where that goes. But

Jan Johnson  30:32

yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. And I think writing is so it's therapeutic. Yes, yes. Yeah, yes. Yeah.

Jennifer  30:45

Yeah, I remember, when I was in chemo room, I was, I would take selfies with my, you know, just with my medicine, and then I would post it on, on my team page. And I remember one day, I was looking at the dripping. And I was like, that kind of reminds me, you know, of domestic violence in the drip, that can occur. And I thought, let me just see where this goes. And so, you know, thank goodness for editors. So I had a little help with, you know, what I was really trying to say, and some of the words, but, but it did really well, which surprised me, you know, like, Oh, okay. So I'll try another one.

Jan Johnson  31:30

Yeah, yeah. And I think is, is kind of get your feet wet. And then you're ready to, you know, dive in for the next one. And, yeah, it gives you encouragement, you know. And the right path for you. Yeah. 

 Okay. Well, we are coming out a time here looks like is there anything else you want to share with us?

Jennifer  32:22

Um, I think just not being afraid. I think that's just something that comes to mind. You know, in the beginning, we talked about advice, and I think, whatever life throws at us it's over will, and we in this the great turmoil, and just frustration of it all. We can find joy, you know, whatever that looks like, in that moment, you know, just one woman at a time. So,

Jan Johnson  33:04

And do you feel like now that you are on the other side of things, that you want to make your life count a little bit more?

Jennifer  33:17

Absolutely. Like, every moment is so pivotal to me now. Not that they weren't before. But they were just guarantee you know, the next moment and so, when I leave this moment, you know, with friends or family or or whatever, that they matter. And, for sure, so that definitely has, you know, kind of changed that for me.

Jan Johnson  33:51

Yeah, yeah. Can you repeat that sense? That life is not guaranteed? That part was a little.

Jennifer  33:59

Yeah, I mean, because we're not guarantee. We're gonna get a call one day on our way to work that says, you know, we need you to come back and, and you're gonna go on this journey that you never thought or in so yeah, just each, you know, every time I'm with, you know, friends and family and whoever. Just really making that moment because we're not guaranteed the next. Yeah, at all.

Jan Johnson  34:28

Yeah, so true. So true. Well, Jennifer, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing two hard, hard topics with us. And maybe making somebody's life a little bit better just from knowing that they're not the only one out there. And we'll put notes in the show notes where people could find you. 

Jennifer  35:06

yes thank you so much

Jan Johnson  35:10

Thanks again for listening. Really!  I appreciate you! You’ve helped this show reach 3000 downloads!

There are links in the show notes for resource books for betrayal trauma and the name of the curriculum.

And as always, I look forward to joining you next week.